The story of Corey and Toni goes back further
than any of us can remember, even before the creation of our current
universe, which is not as great as the one before it but still better
than the one before that. Maybe about the same.
But for the sake of keeping your attention, we'll begin at the late Jurassic Period, a chaotic and tumultuous, yet still pretty sweet time in the young couple's lives during which they befriended an archaeopteryx, which they named Aloysius long before that name was cool. Together, they frolicked amongst the hot lava and the over-sized flora that was so common back then, invented water, and made the biggest omelets ever. From chicken eggs. Chickens were also really big at that point.
Let us fast forward a few years or so to the early 13th century, when the two packed up their few (yet very valuable) worldly belongings and pet dinosaur, which also lives forever, and moved to China. There, they went on many double dates with Genghis Khan and his lovely wife Chaka, learned Kung Fu from a stout and surprisingly verbose panda, and ate authentic crab rangoon on a semi-daily basis. Aloysius preferred General Tso's chicken, which at the time was called Colonel Tso's chicken, as Tso had not yet been promoted to General.
Nothing happened for a while.
Then, in 1885, Corey and Toni decided it was time for a change, and moved into Thomas Edison's laboratory at Menlo Park. There, they took the initiative in inventing muffins, the color green, bacon and all pig-related foods, democracy, belt buckles, an inexplicable hatred and fear of spiders in most people, screws, the human sternum, Jesus, cat toys, the concept for TiVO, music with catchy rhythms, George Clooney, and a type of dental floss that sends a subliminal signal into the brain of its owner, which makes him/her no longer have the desire to floss. All were great successes.
And now, the present is upon us. Corey and Toni have decided to finally settle down and get married, which sadly prompted the release of their pet archaeopteryx into the wild, being a completely untethered and figuratively rabid party animal who just wouldn't fit into their newfound grown-up responsible lifestyle. So, that's why you guys never saw Aloysius. They did, however, adopt three cats, whose names are Sammi, Barnaby Juniper Jones, and Holdin' In The Heat Like A Fishstick. The sedentary lifestyle of a cat is a much better fit.
So, as this universe draws nearer to a close due to the cataclysmic events of December 2012, we are left to wonder what's next for Corey and Toni, who also invented marshmallows and can read the mind of any European as long as they're not thinking in German or one of those non-English languages. But that's another story, for another wedding, billions of years from now.
But for the sake of keeping your attention, we'll begin at the late Jurassic Period, a chaotic and tumultuous, yet still pretty sweet time in the young couple's lives during which they befriended an archaeopteryx, which they named Aloysius long before that name was cool. Together, they frolicked amongst the hot lava and the over-sized flora that was so common back then, invented water, and made the biggest omelets ever. From chicken eggs. Chickens were also really big at that point.
Let us fast forward a few years or so to the early 13th century, when the two packed up their few (yet very valuable) worldly belongings and pet dinosaur, which also lives forever, and moved to China. There, they went on many double dates with Genghis Khan and his lovely wife Chaka, learned Kung Fu from a stout and surprisingly verbose panda, and ate authentic crab rangoon on a semi-daily basis. Aloysius preferred General Tso's chicken, which at the time was called Colonel Tso's chicken, as Tso had not yet been promoted to General.
Nothing happened for a while.
Then, in 1885, Corey and Toni decided it was time for a change, and moved into Thomas Edison's laboratory at Menlo Park. There, they took the initiative in inventing muffins, the color green, bacon and all pig-related foods, democracy, belt buckles, an inexplicable hatred and fear of spiders in most people, screws, the human sternum, Jesus, cat toys, the concept for TiVO, music with catchy rhythms, George Clooney, and a type of dental floss that sends a subliminal signal into the brain of its owner, which makes him/her no longer have the desire to floss. All were great successes.
And now, the present is upon us. Corey and Toni have decided to finally settle down and get married, which sadly prompted the release of their pet archaeopteryx into the wild, being a completely untethered and figuratively rabid party animal who just wouldn't fit into their newfound grown-up responsible lifestyle. So, that's why you guys never saw Aloysius. They did, however, adopt three cats, whose names are Sammi, Barnaby Juniper Jones, and Holdin' In The Heat Like A Fishstick. The sedentary lifestyle of a cat is a much better fit.
So, as this universe draws nearer to a close due to the cataclysmic events of December 2012, we are left to wonder what's next for Corey and Toni, who also invented marshmallows and can read the mind of any European as long as they're not thinking in German or one of those non-English languages. But that's another story, for another wedding, billions of years from now.
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