A change

So this is going to be a pretty personal post. I only have 2 followers, and I'm pretty sure one of them is currently being away from blogging. I haven't kept up with this place at all for the last two months, because I am always worried about it. I always worry that I will say something that will upset someone else.

Mostly I have avoided it because I have been in a funk. A pretty bad one, actually. When I was a young teen, I was diagnosed as manic depressive. After that, it changed to borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder. I have struggled with depression since I was 7. I was medicated on and off through my teenage years, but stopped cold turkey when I went to college. Since then, I have had my highs and my lows, like everyone.

These last few months have been some of the most trying in many years. I have been systematically shutting myself down to the outside world. Unsurprisingly, I have lost most of my friends. I do not blame any of them, but it does hurt like hell.

That being said, I have decided enough is enough. I will not let my disease control me. I have fought through this before, and I am going to do it again.

I have a job interview on Friday, and I am really hopeful about it. Either I will get this job, which will be awesome, or I won't. Even if I don't though, it has given me the push that I need to go and find myself something better than what I currently have. I do not want to stay where I am, and I am going to find myself something better.


So, in conclusion, my blog has changed. It is not going to be about how perfect my life is right now, because honestly, it isn't. This is going to be about me making my life what I want it to be. It is not going to be just the good parts. It will be about all of it. It is going to be honest, and I am holding myself to that.


That is my promise. Not to my one follower. Not to any I may or may not ever gain. It is a promise to myself, because I need to do this for me.

Thank you, so very much, for reading. I hope that you continue to read, but if not, I totally get it.


All my love,
Toni